Christmas Spirit?

With all the media that exists in this world, I always find it extremely amusing the power of its influence. The newest and latest gadgets, with but a few choice words, become the must have items on every christmas list.

I haven't made a Christmas list since I was very young, back when I still believed in Santa. I can't remember when I stopped believing. Maybe because I didn't feel crushed or lied to. Perhaps it was very rational and materialistic of me, but I knew the gifts would be coming no matter whose name was on the tag.

This year, because I have become more of an independant from my parents, things were very different. Before, there wasn't much expected of me. I could buy whatever ratty nonsense I felt particularly inspired to buy for someone. This year, so much thought was put into it. It could not be random. I believe that in some way I did accomplish to give things that I felt people would really appreciate. That was far more satisfying. True, the process of selection wasn't so great.

But I do wonder, do others put as much thought or merely assume? I know that with my family, though we will never win awards for being perfect and content with one another, we are considerate. At least during the holidays, we can manage to set is all aside. Things don't change, but we are far more accepting. Any other time of year, should they hand you the same gift or card, it would not be received in the same manner. Yet for Chrismas we do make allowances. A sort of allowance for neutral peace and well-being.

What would happen if we ever applied that to all year round? The world would be a nicer place. Though it would undoubtedly implode or something.

Pay off

So with the Holidays looming around the corner, everything gets put into perspective. Everything superficial comes to light, but its not always a bad thing. I used to always hate Christmas. Still hold on to that sentiment actually. However, this year it isn't affecting me that much. As this year draws to an end, I actually just noticed how much as changed since it began.

For the first time this semester I didn't have a panic attack. Perhaps because I was expecting it was why it never happened. A watched pot never boils, they say. I've watched many pots, what can I say? I like to cook. They always boil when they are good and ready. I can go into all the complex details of water boiling. I am going to make a career about such menial things.

But, back to the point. I didn't have a nervous breakdown, but not because I did anything to prevent it from happening. In fact, I threw myself in knowing that I might not make it; that I might not have enough in me to finish it and return unscathed. Yet, with all the trouble, I still managed it and am all the better for it. I won't lie and say that I was always in control. I wasn't. I know I wasn't. But I was hopeful. I did work very hard. Guess that was all that really was required of me.

o, next semester I fully intend on throwing myself head first into my studies and my plans. I have my head held high and my eyes bright. Sure, I know by the end of it, my head will be dragging so that my chin is scraping the ground and my eyes will barely be visible among the puffiness and the shadows. Still, that's life. That's what all people say. I am no different, so I will not come up with anything witty to counter it.

It just became apparent to me that my bit of advice, Ihave always lived by. So it remains that I will live as if there were no tomorrow, love as if I had never been hurt and dance as if no one were watching me.

As for what I got? I ot 4 B's and an A. Could have been better, but I was expecting so much WORSE! For that, I am grateful. And that, ladies and gentlemen is what this holiday season should be all about.

Good Advice

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Quarantined virus

Alright, so maybe I wasn't a virus. But I was sick and I did put myself under a rather mandatory quarantine. I really did need it.

The cold that had affected all my friends had finally mutated enough to strike the most resistant, my brother. Since we live together and he did not properly quarantine himself, I got his nasty strand of the cold. After I had managed to evade such sickness for about a month! Still, I managed to hold my head high long enough to finish finals, then highly medicated myself to get rid of it. I must say that I am feeling better. But, as I always say, a miracle is always done when a person can actually eat and sleep.

My semester is finally over and I couldn't be happier. I feel that it whirled past me but really dragged on since it took a lot out of me. I can't be sure if I'll continue in this chipper sort of mood when I get my grades. Who knows? I might be happy or I might be crying my eyes out. All I hope is that I passed all my classes. Almost everyone is expecting that I will, but I will not raise my hopes. I'll hope for a D and then party when I get more than that in any of my classes. Let's just hope this cold truly does clear up so I don't have to spend my vacation sick. That would really be the absolute worse. Let me not tempt Murphy's Law though.

Liquid emotion

I have always wondered why it was that crying always distressed more the ones that witness the event than those who are actually doing the action. Everytime I ahave cried when in the company of others I know, it upsets them and they try to make you stop. But they are upset over your tears, which is the very emotion that got you started in the first place. So why can they not understand the necessity of letting some of it out? There really is no harm in it.

Maybe its just not all tears, just mine. They have been capable of breaking hearts o just plain made people wish that they could yank their own still beating hearts out of their chest in hopes to placate and comfort enough to stem the flow of tears. Why bother? You can no more stop them as you can stop the rain from falling...

So the mayhem begins!

QUAKE! TREMBLE! SHAKE! SHIVER! The power that arises from the depths of dignity, passion and desire that shall encompass the word. Listen, no really... Stop and listen. Can you hear it? The voice? The silence? The noise that shall be lost the moment you hear it. Or perhaps you are one of the chosen few that will contine to hear it; or have its tranquility beckon to you, drive you and then consume you.

Yes, I think I hear it. Then again, I think I am the one making the call. The gentle murmurs whispered into the dark recesses of comply obsurity, truly lost in the back of someone's mind. Perhaps it is my own, perhaps I have lost it completely and become another person. Then again, who am I or who will I ever be?

I am the Goddess; the siren that will call to you, enchant and entrance you. The one that will be so sweetly and gently loving that I will make you willingly crash yourself against the jagged rocks of the truth. Then again, I will yet be that warm and adoring hand that will pick collect and cradle you from all ills that are within my power to delay.

Or perhaps, I am nothing.....

Who knows? I joined because others have and I felt the need to follow suit. I have nothing to say really. I feel I talk too much. Or rather, I have found it a lot easier to write it than say it. Maybe I need to get away from the computer screen long enough to be able to admire the world around me. Then again, maybe I will just reaffirm what I already knew: that there was nothing out there in the first place. Just a lot of muk and smog that fills the world with murky sort of cynnicism.

I must admit that I have become very succeptible to this sort of feeling recently. This has been no fault of my own, but rather a very imposed sentiment. So it is that I will contine to smile on the outside with brilliance and hope, cry on the inside from bittersweet ambitions and memories, and continue to write with lightening speed what I can only hope is the truth of my meek little existance into something interesting enough with which to entertain you. Sometimes I will manage it frequently, others... well, I cannot make any promises. But as always, I will be here. Where else could I possibly go?