A Morning Trip to Hell

[Written during Physics Lab... need I say more?]

What did I do to deserve this?
Is this hell?
Have I died when I should have been thriving from ecstasy?
It is life but with a strange twist.
Suffering in this hell was not on today's list.
Whit nose, bright lights
A pain drawn out
A life drawn out
My light's gone out.
Don't try to know, there's nobody home.

I am in hell, though I know not my sin.
What did I do to deserve this?
Even when I return to you, I know where I've been.
Don't ask me.
I won't tell you.
But if you look at me it will be plain to see
I've been into hell.
Yeah, that was me.

Cat Escapade

My beloved rampaging cow will do anything to get away from me apparently. She is willing to brave a big dog just to gain some freedom. This was actually what she did tonight.

Slipping through my mother's broken windown in her room, the cow shimmied out and onto the balcony. She much have been there for a while, trying to get past the dog. When we realized it, she used to distration to make it out into the wide world.

I was very upset with her for trashing my apartment, so I didn't care. Well, I did care but I figured she would come home when she was tired. This is what she usually does.

But this time she was playing about on my grandmother's balcony and I kept trying to get her but she would just run downstairs and back again. This we did several times until my attention was diverted by a guy.

You see, this guy lives close by and I remember meeting him through a friend in about junior high. He's older than me, nmind you, and obviously not at the same academic standing as I am. But still, he's really sweet and not the thug he tries to appear to be.

He got dragged into the cat chase, but we ended up just sitting in front my house talking. We talked about our families, our plans, or current situations... yadda blah blah.

What most struck me about the conversation, other than hitting on him and being hit on by him, was how differently he views me being in college. Most guys in my same college or another college merely think its normal and nothing special. But to him it was completely fascinating that I would manage to get into such a good unversity to do something with my life.

He asked me why I was still single. I told him because I was intimidating. Which I feel I am to guys my own age. Hence why I always date guys who are older than me. He laughed and told me he didn't think I was. That guys are stupid if they don't see me as a bright person who's going somewhere with my life.

In the end, after about an hour, my brother caught the cat and I thank him for the talk. I also told him he could stop by anytime, I was there for him. Hopefully I will see him and talk with him again. He thought my name was pretty.

You have a picture of the day we met.

How convenient. Just how and why did you happen to have a camera?

Memory fails but the picture remains. Will it remind you of the way we used to be? The way we hoped we would be...

Have I changed much in those 2 odd years? You haven't. Not really. Neither have I really if you think about it.

Sure, the nails are no longer fake, the hair no longer long and the color a lot less bright. I've mellowed through the years. Perhaps it was intentional nbut, looking at the picture, I don't believe it was.

So maybe it wasn't intentional and I have changed much.

Where did I go? Where did that light and fascade vanish to? I was so very secure. But it wasn't me. I still don't know who me is. Not anymore.

I keep changing. Maybe you should take a picture of me now. I won't be the same next time we stop to think about change...

The next time we stop to think about the ways we used to be, the way we wanted to be, the ways we should've been.

The day we met was so very long ago. I was about to embark on a new stage of my life, you have been on the voyage for the same thing, or were you always this different?

You aren't in the picture, someone else was. Someone who stabbed me in the back with embellished truths for convenience. Things that in all this time accumulated I still have not managed.

Now I stand at about the same point I met you at. Am I different from the way you were? What would I say had I met me two years ago?

Staring at that picture, I can imagine myself coming face to face with my past. Would I give myself advice? Would I question myself? Or would I sit back and listen to whatever I had to say?

Probably not much. I am so much moreinteresting now. I can't even look at that picture you have of me. That's not me! I keep protesting to myself as much as to you.

What do you think when you look at it? Do you look at it? Or is it merely a memory, simply remembering you have a picture of me from the day we met. A memory that evokes the recollection of that day we met. Which leeds to the memory of who we were and how we were and even how we wanted to be...

Stuck in my head

"Forget the weather, we will always be together.
I need you as a god in my life."

Why is this song stuck in my head?
Perhaps in writing it down it will stop running itself in my brain...
Or I'll remember the rest of it.

At least I tremember its from the soundtrack of Brdget Jones' diary.
Not like that helps me much.

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Nope....
This didn't help at all.
I wonder hwo long I'll be stuck with this song....
Maybe I just need to get another catchy and annoying song that I don't fully know the words to replace this song.

But which would that be?
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"I believe in a thing called love.
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart.
There's a chance we can make it now..."

DAMN!

Today

[Written on the first day of class, during my first actual class which was Psychology. I was at first waiting for the arrival of the professor, but then he got in and had nothing interesting to say. So I just kept writing.]

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life.
But what was everyday until today?

No matter...
At least today still remains.

Yet I could have sworn I said this yesterday.
So then yesterday was the beginning and today was just the rest of it?

Still, tomorrow yet remains.

Perhaps for the sake of this discussion I should banish the words yesterday and tomorrow from my vocabulary.

Yesterday for all the things I could have done and didn't.

Tomorrow for all the things I plan to do but won't.
Particularly tomorrow because of the time spent simply planning for it.
Time wasted when I should be using it towards today.

There will never be another day like today.

A day which is mine alone even though many will share today with me.
Since I have decided that TODAY is the day that leads to the rest of my life.

The start of a semester

Quote me on this and rub my face in it when I'm going through BitchFest Fall semester 2005-2006: "I am actually looking forward to this semester."

I know, how strange?! But I actually am. With classes like Physical Chem, Biochem, Psic II, Calculus III, Phyics I Lab and Investigation (15 credits total), who in their right mind would look forward to that? But I am!

My schedule is awesome. I get in at 8:30 (or whatever time equivalent it is now that they've changed the scedule) and I don't have class in the afternoons. On Thursdays I don't have any classes, but I am dedicating my afternoon to investigation. I am also giving up my Tuesday afternoons towards that cause as well.

That means that I get out decently early and have time open for work. I can work stable hours and from early on. No classes are lined up more than 3 in a row, which 2 of which are in the same building. The Chemistry building.

Should be very interesting and fascinating. Can't wait.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that it's all downhill from here. I have finished 2 years and have, at most, 2 years left. Two very comfortable years where I wake an average of 14 credits. No summer required. At least not yet bu my estimations.

I am again subject to the mercy of a math class. I have to pass Calculus 3 or else I lose whatever grade I get in Physical Chem. But, they say Calculus 2 was the bad one and I managed to scrape by that one! Surely I can get by the class that they say is Calculus 1 but in 3 dimensions.

Wish me luck! I wish luck to all my friends and hope this semester is as great, educational and productive as I hope it to be!

I am a sheep

Doesn't it feel like we so often spend our lives waiting in line for one thing or another?

Today I had to go in, for the first time in my academic career, to my Department to get a class. Unlike so many others, I was fortunate enough to get and fix whatever classes I am going to take appropriately online. The only reason I had to go in was to get Investigation because they have to input all the right information.

Who knew that getting 2 credits would be so complicated?!

I got there at about 7:15am and signed myself up promptly. Only to learn about an hour later that only those with less than 12 credits would be attended to during morning hours.

I had 13 credits.

But my morning was not wasted. I learned about the appropriate paper that I needed signed, and visited my beloved professor who I am going to do research with. He was alltanned, thin and gorgeous from having spent his summer in Italy with his family. To learn Italian, only! Wish I had that sort of life... or that sort of family for that matter.

I also fell asleep on the floor right next to the office. I didn't sleep last night. Stayed awake with a dear chat friend and we spent the night rping and chatting it up.

So aside from napping, I still haven't slept.

Anyways, I got the right paper signed and then proceeded to wait... and wait. Went and fixed my medical insurance and waited some more. I finally gave up and went "Why the heck haven't I been called?! I just need to get you guys to enroll me in my investigation class! That's it! I don't need anything else! I don't need to deal with anyone else in any other department!"

Needless to say, they attended me not 5 minutes later. Was done after 2:30pm. What a day?!

Lost in Translation

When Harry Potter came out, so many weeks ago, we went to get a copy the day it came out. Yes, we went to the midnight magic sale and got the book. By 12:05am, we already had a book.

Since I couldn't read it until after the end of summer session, my mother got first dibs. She finished it by Sunday and then had to wait, without mentioning a word of the story, until I could read it on that Tuesday. I read it in a span of 12 hours, 7 of which I actually spent reading the 30 chapter book. Then my mother and I got into an instant disagreement as to the implications and significance of the book's events.

During that first week, my brother read it and so did my aunt. Then, my grandmother started complaining and brooding that the spanish release of the book would not be for several months. She wanted to hear all about it, but how exactly CAN one explain such a book?

So, wonderful grand-daughter that I am, I said that I would translate it for her. Taking about an hour per chapter, I proceeded for the following week and a half to translate the book aloud for her.

She must have REALLY wanted to hear it if she was willing to have me botch up the spanish language with my translations. But, we managed it and now she knows what happened in the book too. My household is an uproar about the book and what happened (will not talk about it, since my friends have not read it yet). We agree on some things, disagree on others. Having basically read the book twice, I stand by my belief of what the book implies.

Now to wait for the fourth movie in November and the seventh book in..... well, whenever! When does that one come out? Not soon enough, I believe.