Unseen, Unheard, Unwanted and Forgotten...

I sit here, and the voices squeak
As my hands push onto the wood,
Cracked with memories left stranded.

Tendrils of shadow cloud my eyes and numb my eyes
Contained in a mist where I remain shivering
And alone with its passing…
Only to realize you have gone with it.

Fogged edges of lines we shouldn’t have crossed;
Great leaps of a faith I no longer adhere to;
Left with everything I could’ve said and would’ve said
Had I only allowed myself to…

But none fill the empty void of you!

** Voices in the dark and the corners of my mind
but all the things we’d never say still remain…
…around this table**

Reaching the aporetic ending of our ending
We decide to take our separate ways…
But what’s yours what’s mine?
And, who presides over what’s whose?

Lingering, only to evaluate, divide and decide
A moment in our lives which we will never recover;
Remembering who I was, who you were when we began
And who decides de person we shall become…

What changed us from there to now?

** Doubts are still awake, haunting my will day by day
as all the things I’d never say still remain…
…around this table**

Many arguments we had
Fighting over when’s and how’s become real
With the who’s and what’s in the recollection of our journey.

Something that was and stopped existing…
…rotten hopes… and suddenly:
irreconcilable differences and contracts
were the only things brought up.

Piecing back together a part of me which I thought
Solely mine, but that beat for you…

Now; lost in an assault of all the senses
And all emotions, overloaded and overworked;
Yet oversimplified with what remained mine.

** My cards were all laid out but my fortune was unclear
as all the things you never said, still remain…
…around this table **

All the things we planned are broken.
All the things we wished for are gone.
And all the faces that once gathered
Seem to have vanished in the fog.

I try to recall the many promises you presented me with
Back then… and my indulging innocence that led me to believe
I’d own your heart someday.

Do you remember? Can you look back on all those times
When I consoled you while you drowned in your desparation?
Or, how about those times when we frolicked on the surface
Of this table?

I went by thinking that I’d have the greatest prize.
But you; wrapped in all your pride,
Made it impossible…

Wasting your time, changing your mind,
Getting tired of all the things that were in sight;
As we became evicted from the conscious of your life.

Now, distance grows between us
As my life’s put on strain.
Things I gave and never fought for…
…shattered dreams, troubled silence
and a muted cry as I discover a new crack
on the surface of our story.

With every moment, and every breath
I feel more pain than there is meant to be had…
…and I grow sad for that moment that has grown
out of reach.

In the quiet of this room,
Adorned with the one thing that I was left with
I rest my dampened cheek against the wizened wood…
… a sea of grief and guilt bleeding forth from the depth of each crack;
and my lonely soul, as I glare at the empty spaces
that are left around this table.

But you’ll never know…
… You’ll never see all of this that’s locked
inside the confines of my banishment.
As I’ll never go back to that world of sanity and completion
That filled the chapters of a time you’ve surely already forgotten…

** You haven’t heard, you have no clue; but I know!(…)
that if you listened to the crashing of my tears upon the wood
you’d remain… around this table…

[Written in colaboration with Grace Asrai and performed for Pastiche Open Mike]